What the hell is up with being pregnant and being REALLY FUCKING PISSED all the time????? Is there really any logical explanation? I just want to punch EVERYONE. It is definitely not improving any of my relationships to be this angry all day. On the one hand, it has definitely helped me stand my ground on a few things - i am not taking shit from ANYONE in this state. But it is probably not a good thing to be snapping at your friends, boss, partner, dogs, cats, sky, freeway etc.
Fuck that shit.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Scared Feminist
I swear, every single time i've thought to post something, i worried i wasn't being feminist enough for the blog. which is probably completely appropriate considering the content and purpose of what i've started here: navigating this line between the traditional definition of a Woman-Mother and the 2010 definition of an independent Powerhouse-Woman.
It's been a crazy 6 weeks...not only because my body has been going through some INSANE changes (ever imagine having the sense of smell a dog has? get knocked up sometime) but because the people around me have been going through their own insane changes, some just because life is like that, and some in reaction to my Big News.
I think the oddest thing to me or the most shocking maybe, is that the people who i expected to be disappointed or confused in my decision to become a mother have actually been the most supportive, and the ones (one in particular) who i expected to be SO supportive has been so adamantly crappy about it all...
i had an interesting experience a couple weeks ago where this person, who is trying to 'make it' in the music industry mused in a nonchalant way (in front of other people) that i had become "really obsessed" with this whole baby thing. which is probably completely true...i do talk incessantly much about the baby, my body, the future, etc., but what i find funny is that in our community (artists, feminists, badass people) it's generally considered an ok thing to become obsessed with your product -whether it be your art, your music, or if you are trying to brand yourself as an artists - with yourSELF. so while that is all okay and fine, it's not okay for someone who is growing a whole other person to be a little obsessed with that? shouldn't all parents be a little obsessed with bringing their projects to fruition? how is my baby any less important than your upcoming demo track, or your music video? who the hell knows what this kid is going to accomplish once it leaves the womb - he/she has already been a catalyst for a HUGE amount of emotional/spiritual/mental growth for me and my partner, not to mention helped me as an individual feel more connected to the great big booga booga of the universe, which is something i thought i'd lost after a really soul crushing 4 years in academia.
i don't know. i'm rambling, but at least i'm sharing, and that's the whole effing point, so i think i need to keep this up.
It's been a crazy 6 weeks...not only because my body has been going through some INSANE changes (ever imagine having the sense of smell a dog has? get knocked up sometime) but because the people around me have been going through their own insane changes, some just because life is like that, and some in reaction to my Big News.
I think the oddest thing to me or the most shocking maybe, is that the people who i expected to be disappointed or confused in my decision to become a mother have actually been the most supportive, and the ones (one in particular) who i expected to be SO supportive has been so adamantly crappy about it all...
i had an interesting experience a couple weeks ago where this person, who is trying to 'make it' in the music industry mused in a nonchalant way (in front of other people) that i had become "really obsessed" with this whole baby thing. which is probably completely true...i do talk incessantly much about the baby, my body, the future, etc., but what i find funny is that in our community (artists, feminists, badass people) it's generally considered an ok thing to become obsessed with your product -whether it be your art, your music, or if you are trying to brand yourself as an artists - with yourSELF. so while that is all okay and fine, it's not okay for someone who is growing a whole other person to be a little obsessed with that? shouldn't all parents be a little obsessed with bringing their projects to fruition? how is my baby any less important than your upcoming demo track, or your music video? who the hell knows what this kid is going to accomplish once it leaves the womb - he/she has already been a catalyst for a HUGE amount of emotional/spiritual/mental growth for me and my partner, not to mention helped me as an individual feel more connected to the great big booga booga of the universe, which is something i thought i'd lost after a really soul crushing 4 years in academia.
i don't know. i'm rambling, but at least i'm sharing, and that's the whole effing point, so i think i need to keep this up.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Here we go
so i'm knocked up. which in the scheme of things as a 26 year old on the verge of Greatness, is alternatively terrifying and wonderful. i hear the terrifying part is normal however, as i've spoken with many women who have birthed, and even those of you who planned that shit down to the ovary/egg timer say that the first emotion is generally a mix of terror+wonderment. so here I am.
I started this blog because as i began to navigate this whole pregnancy thing, and really decide where i stood on the side of the Life debate, i was presented with a lot of love and support, but also a lot of "oh my god, you're ruining your life." this kind of pisses me off. it seems to me, if there were no mothers, there'd be no feminists either...am i wrong? this has made me realize that i stand in what seems to me to be a very unique spot as a feminist. i have come across so many feminists who believe motherhood holds us back and men are the devil. and while i agree that there are certain men that deserve to be strung up by their...principles...the answer to the problem of men and women not being equal does not lie in women becoming more powerful than men. that is just bullshit. it's also bullshit that we make 75 cents to a man's $1, but i digress. i have also come across a small cross section (including me dear mother) of feminists who believe motherhood & feminism are intrinsically tied. and as i go further along in this crazy Baby Experiment, i am realizing i need to figure out where i stand. so where does that leave me? well, it leaves me 9 weeks pregnant and with a LOT of questions. and thus the blog is born...
I started this blog because as i began to navigate this whole pregnancy thing, and really decide where i stood on the side of the Life debate, i was presented with a lot of love and support, but also a lot of "oh my god, you're ruining your life." this kind of pisses me off. it seems to me, if there were no mothers, there'd be no feminists either...am i wrong? this has made me realize that i stand in what seems to me to be a very unique spot as a feminist. i have come across so many feminists who believe motherhood holds us back and men are the devil. and while i agree that there are certain men that deserve to be strung up by their...principles...the answer to the problem of men and women not being equal does not lie in women becoming more powerful than men. that is just bullshit. it's also bullshit that we make 75 cents to a man's $1, but i digress. i have also come across a small cross section (including me dear mother) of feminists who believe motherhood & feminism are intrinsically tied. and as i go further along in this crazy Baby Experiment, i am realizing i need to figure out where i stand. so where does that leave me? well, it leaves me 9 weeks pregnant and with a LOT of questions. and thus the blog is born...
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